In a move that has left satire writers unemployed and reality TV producers green with envy, former President Donald Trump has unleashed a new wave of NFT trading cards upon an unsuspecting world. Because apparently, the first round of digital embarrassment wasn’t quite enough.
Picture this: Trump’s face photoshopped onto the body of a bald eagle, soaring majestically over a golf course made entirely of gold. Or how about Trump as a superhero, his signature hair flowing in the wind as he battles the “Fake News Media” with a Twitter-shaped laser gun? Yes, folks, these are real examples from the new collection, and no, we’re not hallucinating.
But wait, there’s more! In a stroke of marketing genius that would make even the most shameless infomercial host blush, these new cards come with “exclusive” perks. Buy a complete set, and you’ll receive a lock of Trump’s hair*! (*May actually be clippings from a golden retriever.)
“These cards are going to be yuuuge,” Trump allegedly declared from his Mar-a-Lago bunker. “They’re so beautiful, so tremendous, you’ll get tired of collecting them. But don’t stop! Keep buying!”
Early adopters have been quick to sing praises. “I mortgaged my house to buy these cards,” gushed one enthusiast, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being committed to a psychiatric facility. “But it’s worth it. I mean, where else can I get a digital image of Trump riding a unicorn across the Mexican border?”
As the crypto world watches in a mixture of horror and fascination, one can’t help but wonder: Is this the future of political fundraising, or simply the death throes of common sense? Only time will tell. In the meantime, grab your digital wallets and leave your dignity at the door – the Trump NFT train is leaving the station, and it’s headed straight for Cringeville.
